Letters To The Editor 26th March 2018

Power and control Dorsami Naidu , Nadi Rape is always about power and control. Some people think it is done when someone has a strong desire for sex, and while
26 Mar 2018 15:39
Letters To The Editor 26th March 2018

Power and control

Dorsami Naidu , Nadi

Rape is always about power and control. Some people think it is done when someone has a strong desire for sex, and while sometimes the two coincide, someone who cannot understand “no” or someone who thinks it is  okay to sleep with someone who is drunk is asserting their power over someone.

When someone is raped or sexually assaulted, the assailant takes all power away from that person.

The person loses control of something that is very, very personal — their body.

In life, we do not always have control about what happens, but we do have control over our bodies.

Most sacred and meaningful of all is that we can chose who to share our bodies with, who we have intimate relations with.

We chose that, and when someone takes that choice away from you, you are never the same.

You did not choose to have sex, and you could not stop it from happening.

You were made completely powerless.

I think that feeling could be the worst feeling in the entire world.

When you are raped or assaulted you have to live with it every day for the rest of your life.

You have to live with the fear that it could one day happen again.

You feel weak, like you have lost control of your life, and in a sense you have.

As I said before, the one thing that we have complete control over is our bodies and when someone takes that away from us, we’ll feel as though we have nothing.

Everyone needs to understand how horrible acts of sexual assault and rape actually are.

There are too many jokes that make light of something that is the furthest thing from funny.

Another thing we need to understand is that it is never, ever the survivor’s fault.

No one ever asks to be raped. It doesn’t matter how you dress, how you act, what you say or do.

Survivors should not be made to feel ashamed.

We all need to understand that and promote a culture that looks down on sexual assault and violence, and looks up to a culture that supports respect and consent.

Girls should be told: “Dress descently”. Everyone should be taught it is wrong to take advantage of someone, no matter how they dress or act.

But in today’s society, there is such a strong rape culture that the wrong message is sent to protect those that we love.

We need to promote anti-rape efforts toward those who assault others, not toward those who could be assaulted.

By directing our efforts toward potential survivors, we indirectly support rape culture, because we are, in a sense, blaming the survivor for being assaulted because of something they did.

By directing our efforts toward those who assault others, we are supporting a much stronger and more important anti-rape culture that correctly blames the assailant.

If we blame the victim, we are supporting and justifying rape, but if we blame the assailant, who is really to blame, we show that we discourage rape and that it is never okay.

As I said before, the survivor is never to blame.

No one has ever asked and no one ever will ask to be raped.

And nothing anyone does will ever be justified as “they asked for it.”

So please, understand how truly horrible something like rape or sexual assault is.

Join in the fight to end this rape culture that consumes society in Fiji.

Stop with the rape jokes, stop blaming the survivors and start holding the assailants, the rapists and sexual predators accountable for their actions.

Because one day, it might be someone you love.

Do not forget

Dharmendra Kumar , Suva

To many times we take the help we receive from others for granted.

In truth all of us have benefited in ways both small and large from parents, teachers, pastors, relatives and friends who have invested in our lives.

How often do we stop to thank them? 

How often do we take the time to let them know that what they did made a difference? 

How often do we express the simple words that would mean so much to them?

Sometimes, we get so busy with the duties and responsibilities of life and simply forget those who have helped.

Other times our pride doesn’t want to acknowledge the contributions of others so that we can give ourselves more credit for what we have accomplished.

But as the old saying goes, if you see a turtle sitting on a fence post, he probably didn’t get there by himself.

Do not let pride render you ungrateful.

Take time to reach out and express gratitude to those who have contributed to your life.

Good old days

Shariff Shah , Savusavu

In our prime we had so much fun with our friends.

We were engaged in a lot of after-school activities.

We were heavily involved with soccer and rugby camps.

We used to organise camps in groups of five for scouts or just for fun, only to go out of our houses and have fun.

Discipline and respect were in our blood.

We used to swim, hike, bike and travel around.

Such was our unity. When one falls down we reach him and pick him up again.

Never moved on without him.

Kava and beer were secondary.

Talanoa and fun were paramount.

Those were the times when we were shy of our opposite sex and we had no cell phones.

Life was peaceful but full of fun.

Now since age has caught up, the only thing we got is memories.

Our friends have moved on.

But when we do meet, it’s like all just happened yesterday.

We still got codes and their nick names.

When we start rewinding in our gatherings, our kids just look at us with eyes opened and dropped jaws.

They don’t have any idea as to what they have missed or continue to miss in their lives.

It’s a pity that they only rely on social media, television and cell phones to keep them entertained.

Can hardly see a kid on bicycle nowadays.

Beer and grog is in huge demand today.

The nightclubs and the vakatunuloa are full.

Not to hear jokes and stories but to drink and party.

The one that drinks the most got the belt to defend in the next session.

Those good old days will never ever be replaced

Feedback:  jyotip@fijisun.com.fj

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