Fijian Men Need Counselling

Many Fijian men are facing family crisis, and they are reaching out for solutions.

Lifeline Fiji reports a growing number of men reaching out for counselling support. And a quiet, but powerful shift is emerging in the way some Fijian men are being invited to openly share their problems for their mental and emotional well-being.

No longer are the discussions limited to accountability or behavioural change alone, says Lifeline Fiji.

A deeper, more compassionate dialogue is unfolding, one that asks, not just what must change in men, but how communities can walk with them through that change.

'Calling in rather than calling out' is becoming a rallying cry for a new kind of masculinity one rooted in emotional honesty, patience, and transformation.

The shift begins at home Jeremiah Merekula, officer in charge at Lifeline Fiji, has seen first-hand the impact of isolation and unspoken emotional struggles among Fijian men.

He says the need for counselling has spiked in recent months, driven by men grappling with everything from marital strain to anxiety and past trauma.

Mr Merekula recently reflected on a concept that deeply resonated with him, 'calling in,' a practice of inviting loved ones into constructive and healing conversations, rather than attacking or shaming them for their flaws.

''As a husband and father, I've lived both sides,'' he shared. "Early on, my wife and I would be quick to call each other out. It was about being right, defending ourselves. But that started to change. We began 'calling each other in' instead-making space for honesty and understanding."

The personal evolution he describes is emblematic of what mental health advocates say is desperately needed at a societal level: a new framework for communication, especially among men, where emotional safety replaces silence and shame.

Holding space for men

One of the people leading this cultural shift is Debra Tuibau, founder of Osais Counselling, a grassroots platform rooted in compassionate community care.

This month, her team is launching an initiative to "hold space for men" creating a safe, non-judgmental environment for men to reflect, open up, and reconnect with themselves and each other.

"It's not about excusing harmful behaviour,'' Ms Tuibau said.

"It's about recognising that real, lasting change doesn't happen in isolation. It happens in spaces where men feel seen and supported."

From men's circles to one-on-one therapy sessions, the month-long programme focuses on mental health, emotional literacy, and re-learning values embedded in Fijian culturerespect, humility, and balance.

"We often hear calls for men to be accountable, and that's important, but accountability without support becomes shame.

"We're not here to rescue men, but to walk beside them as they take ownership of their healing."

Generational wounds, cultural expectations

The silence around men's emotions is not just a personal issue it's a cultural one. Many Fijian men have grown up with inherited trauma, conditioned by societal expectations to suppress their feelings and "just deal with it."

Ms Tuibau believes that breaking that silence is not only possible, but necessary for stronger families and communities.

"Men are hurting too. They carry unspoken pain from generations before them. We need to start talking about what healing looks like for them,'' she said.

Prime Minister Sitiveni Rabuka recently emphasised the need for men to take responsibility for their roles in preventing gender-based violence.

While the statement was widely welcomed, advocates like Tuibau argue that policy must be paired with grassroots efforts that help men unlearn toxic patterns and embrace new ways of being.

Re-imagining masculinity

Participants in the Osais initiative are encouraged to explore the origins of their emotional responses, challenge outdated notions of manhood, and develop tools for healthier communication in their relationships.

"The goal is not to fix men, it's to listen, to witness, to offer them a space where they can begin rebuilding from the inside out," Ms Tuibau said.

As Fiji grapples with complex issues around gender roles, mental health, and family dynamics, initiatives like this suggest that the answers may not lie in blame, but in the courage to sit with discomfort, speak truthfully and most importantly, listen.

For Mr Merekula, the message to fellow fathers, husbands, and sons is simple but profound: "Let's build relationships where 'calling in' becomes the norm. It takes humility and practice but it's worth every step."

Feedback: sosiveta.korobiua@fijisun.com.fj