What it really takes to be a good leader

I received an email this week from someone in Fiji asking a deceptively simple question: How do I become a good leader? It’s the sort of question people often expect a neat checklist for.

Read these books. Attend this course. Copy these behaviours. But leadership rarely works like that.

In fact, the people who ask this question sincerely are usually already on the right path — because wanting to be a good leader, rather than simply a leader, requires self-awareness.

Anyone can hold authority. Anyone can be promoted. Anyone can give instructions. But good leadership is something else entirely. It’s quieter, harder, and often less immediately rewarding.

Over the years, working with leaders across the Pacific region, I’ve noticed a few consistent qualities that separate those who merely hold positions from those who genuinely earn followership. 

Humility comes first 

The most important quality of any good leader is humility. Notice I said good leader, not simply a leader. You can rise quickly in organisations by being confident, forceful, and self-centred.

In some environments, those traits are even rewarded in the short term. But they rarely sustain trust, loyalty, or performance over time.

Humility in leadership is not weakness. It is not uncertainty. And it is certainly not a lack of authority. Humility is the willingness to put the needs of others ahead of your own ego.

It is the courage to listen properly. It is the maturity to accept that you may be wrong — and to change course when necessary. Good leaders don’t need to be the smartest person in the room.

They need to create rooms where people feel safe enough to contribute honestly. That only happens when a leader is secure enough to admit they don’t have all the answers.

Ironically, leaders who try hardest to appear infallible often lose credibility fastest. People know when they are being managed by pride rather than purpose. 

Understand the currency of your organisation 

Every organisation runs on a form of currency. By currency, I don’t mean money — I mean what truly drives behaviour. In some environments, particularly highly regulated ones, the currency is compliance.

Behaviour changes when consequences are clear, consistent, and enforced. In those settings, ambiguity creates risk, and structure provides safety.

In more values-led or purpose-driven organisations, that same approach can backfire. People may technically comply while emotionally disengaging.

Here, the currency is meaning, belonging, and contribution. Motivation is created by alignment, not enforcement. 

Good leaders take the time to understand what actually moves people in their organisation, not what worked somewhere else or what they personally prefer.

Too many leadership problems occur when leaders apply the wrong currency. They push harder when they should connect more deeply, or they appeal to values when people are actually craving structure.

Leadership isn’t about using one style everywhere. It’s about reading the environment accurately and responding appropriately. 

Care about what people care about 

At a basic level, leaders should care about people. That sounds obvious, yet it’s often missing. But the best leaders go further — they care about what their people care about. People will do their jobs for pay. That’s transactional. But they go above and beyond for things that matter to them personally: pride in their work, growth, recognition, contribution, or belonging.

Good leaders are curious about those drivers. They ask questions. They pay attention. They remember. This doesn’t mean becoming everyone’s friend or therapist. It means recognising that motivation is individual.

What inspires one person may leave another cold. Treating everyone the same may feel fair, but it often ignores what actually fuels performance.

When people feel seen — not just as roles, but as individuals — something shifts. Effort becomes voluntary rather than extracted. Loyalty becomes emotional rather than contractual. That shift is subtle, but powerful. 

Demonstrate the behaviours you want 

Culture is not what you say. It is what you tolerate — and what you model. Leaders set the tone, whether they intend to or not. If you want your team to be punctual, professionalism starts with you.

If you want accountability, your own commitments must be visible and honoured. If you want openness, you must demonstrate it first.

Nothing undermines leadership faster than inconsistency between words and behaviour. Teams are exceptionally good at spotting hypocrisy. When leaders excuse themselves from the standards they expect of others, trust erodes quietly but relentlessly. This is uncomfortable because it removes the ability to hide behind position. It places responsibility squarely on behaviour.

But that is precisely why it works. People don’t follow titles. They follow examples. 

Listening matters more than speaking 

One of the most important skills a leader can develop is listening — real listening, not waiting for their turn to talk. The idea that leaders must have answers for everything is both unrealistic and damaging.

Leaders are not the most important part of the team; they are part of the system. When leaders speak too quickly or too often, they unintentionally silence others. Ideas shrink. Initiative fades. Listening creates space. It signals respect. It uncovers information that would otherwise remain hidden.

In my experience, many organisational issues are not caused by a lack of intelligence, but by a lack of hearing. People knew. They just weren’t listened to. Good leaders ask better questions than they give instructions. They understand that insight usually exists somewhere in the room — their job is to surface it. 

Clarity is a leader’s real job 

If I had to summarise leadership in one word, it would be clarity. People need to know what success looks like. They need to understand what “good work” actually means.

They need clarity on expectations, standards, boundaries, and consequences. Without this, even capable people become anxious or disengaged. The challenge is that everyone views the world through their own lens.

What seems obvious to one person is ambiguous to another. Good leaders don’t assume shared understanding — they actively create it. Clarity is not micromanagement. It is not control. It is alignment.

When people are clear, they don’t need constant supervision. When they are unclear, even the most motivated individuals hesitate. Leaders often underestimate how much confusion exists beneath polite agreement.

Silence does not equal understanding. Nods do not guarantee alignment. Clarity must be revisited, reinforced, and refined. 

Being right sometimes costs popularity 

There is a moment every leader faces: choosing between being liked and doing what is right. Approval is seductive. It feels good to be liked. It feels safe.

But leadership occasionally demands decisions that will disappoint people, challenge comfort, or disrupt harmony.

Avoiding those moments may preserve short-term popularity, but it almost always creates long-term damage. Good leaders are willing to tolerate discomfort.

They understand that trust is built through consistency and integrity, not universal approval. People may not always like decisions, but they respect leaders who act with fairness, courage, and transparency. 

This is particularly difficult in close-knit or purpose-driven organisations, where relationships matter deeply. But avoiding hard decisions doesn’t protect culture — it weakens it.

Over time, unresolved issues multiply, resentment grows, and credibility erodes. Leadership maturity is learning to hold discomfort without becoming defensive or distant. 

Becoming a good leader is an ongoing practice 

Leadership is not a destination you arrive at. It is a practice you commit to. There is no final version of yourself as a leader, only an evolving one.

The best leaders I know remain students of themselves. They reflect. They seek feedback. They notice when their behaviour drifts under pressure. They course-correct.

They accept that leadership is as much about who they are becoming as what they are achieving. If you are asking how to become a good leader, start by paying attention — to yourself, to others, and to the systems you influence.

Leadership begins there, quietly, long before anyone gives you permission to lead. 

And perhaps that is the point. 

Mark Wager, a regular visitor to Fiji and one of the worlds leading leadership experts, offers in-house workshops designed to equip managers with the skills they need to lead with confidence and clarity. If you are a senior manager or HR professional looking to strengthen your leadership team, contact Mark to discuss a customised session tailored to your organisation’s goals. Email mark@ali.org.nz to arrange a free consultation.